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What constitutes great writing? Not too much? Just right?
Strong voice. Compelling plot. Moral premise. Characters who steal readers’ hearts. Aha moments. Mystical link between readers’ and author’s hearts. Hooks. Lines. Sinkers.
Yeah, right. Anything else you want for Christmas?
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Concise, clear writing (CCW) will not lay the foundation for an award-winning book. However, it WILL smooth away rocks and debris that make the reader stumble, fall…and sometimes throw your book against the wall.
Blueprints for clear, concise writing.
A. Grab books by clear, concise writers and highlight like you’re in class. Yes, you can learn from others without plagiarizing! Shape of Mercy by Susan Meissner. Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. What is the What by Dave Eggers.
Songs count! Check out Jamey Johnson’s dynamic lyrics. My favorite? Whew. Talk about a hard choice. “In Color,” heard at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXKBUK94cC0W
While I’m introducing CCW, I have to trumpet Kasey Heinly, critique partner seen here at ACFW with other critis Tiff and Sara. Kasey has mastered CCW.(BTW, I’m the old lady on the left, and Kasey’s sitting by me.)
B. With a Sharpie, attack WIP adverbs and adjectives. Doesn’t that release hostilities? Ditto for the to-be-reads breeding on your nightstand. Veer a bit from the Golden Rule: Slash unneeded words from critiquers’ WIPs, and they will do such unto you!! [Pat on the shoulder: Except for name tags and ID tags (clear, concise writing), I managed to keep ADV. and ADJ. under ten.]
C. In dialogue, pave the way with the Roy Qualls rule (Roy, my F-15 pilot and brother, clears runways as Commander of an Air Guard Squadron but pens killer writing from the cockpit.) “Five words or less per phrase/sentence,” he ordered me. Not always possible, but surprise yourself with a try.
Take One: “Hey, Suzi. We’re going to the Sweet Shop in a few minutes. It’s a quarter after eight now.”
My mouth watered. Sweet Shop. Happy belly! Massive calories! I dug through the clothes hamper for elastic waistband pants. I’d need them.
“Can you just bring your car, and we’ll meet up there? We really need to go so we can swing by Joe’s and give him that pan.” The door slammed.
You need Joe. Cynicism clouded my cocoa euphoria. This ain’t about no pan.
Take Two: “Hey!” Sharon grabbed her keys. “We’ll meet you there. Even order your usual.”
My mouth watered just thinking of a Sweet Shop triple chocolate malt. Happy belly! Massive calories. I dug through the clothes hamper for elastic waistband pants. I’d need them.
“See you,” she called over her shoulder. “Gotta get that pan to Joe. He needs it, you know.” The door slammed.
You need Joe. Cynicism clouded cocoa euphoria. This ain’t about no pan.
By following the Roy Qualls rule, delete unnecessary emotion and heighten intensity as well as tightening your WIP.
D. Omit “she thought, she remembered, she wished that” and tighten POV and WIP by STATING the thought. Uses questions. Imperatives. Experiment.
She thought that she had locked the door.
Hadn’t she locked that door?
She wished that he hadn’t left her the day before their wedding.
Why did he bolt twenty-four hours from the “I do’s”?
She’d set her father on him for marital desertion.
E. PRINT OUT your WIP and read aloud.
Price? $$ for paper and ink cartridges. Hours spent cringing at my voice.
Reward? Chaff hacked away from a path…Hey, I think I see the lights!!! Just the right amount.
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With practice, CCW can become a reality for your WIP. Now about those Christmas decorations! If gaudy jingles your bells, GO FOR IT!!! Just not on my block.
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See y’all Friday…where another secret will be revealed.
I LOVE that first picture!
One thing you mentioned is something I really need to work on–getting rid of she thought, she remembered, she wished, etc. Was that a page from your WIP that was hacked up? Was it hacked up by you or your crit buds? Hee hee. Crit buds have amazing insight, don’t they? I treasure mine.
NO!!! Not the adverbs, please! Don’t take them! I’ll do anything! And sharpies are so. . . final and mean. Can’t I use nicer ink? ::Cue end of dramatic lamentation::
Reading aloud is the best editing technique I’ve discovered so far. I almost lost my voice, but it was so worth it to see how my story sounds.
I love Susan Meissner. She’s awesome at this. Lisa Samson too.
Awesome analogy, Friend! I enjoyed reading it!
If I were writing a book I would take every drop of advice from you. Reading your books is like sitting on the couch with a friend and a cup of coffee sharing intimate secrets. Time passes and when the last page arrives you hate that it is time for your friend to leave.
AWESOME tips, Patti! Loved the 5 words per sentence tip. I hadn’t heard of that, but would love to give it a try!
Thanks for the great information. keep it coming and I will drink it in.
Incredibly helpful! Thank you!
Georgiana,
It was the FIRST page of My Name is Sheba, my completed manuscript. As a former teacher in love with happy faces and grins and checkmarks, I would NEVER do the big “Xs” and “NO” thing to critiquers. Plus we do things online.
In fact, I had a hiccup moment when a CERTAIN CRITIQUE PARTNER wrote, “You can do better than that” not ONCE BUT THRICE on something she proofed for me. Oh, the cheek of that young thing!
Glad you have good critique partners. Do you send work online or in person??
Kristen, you are sooooo fun. Sometimes I use the Sharpies, sometimes not. I was just being dramatic in my post!!! Your writing contains great elements of humor…and lots of adv. and adj., I guess! LOVE chatting!!!
Deanna, YOU MADE MY…YEAR!!!!!! What a post to read “the morning after” an awesome Ladies of Grace Bible Study where we ate too much, laughed too much (and that was good) and destroyed my kitchen. I had such fun that I shoved ‘em out the door, insisting I could clean ALONE. Kinda a good time to reflect on the party, the friendships, the prayers, the laughs. All was proceeding well until I put dishwater LIQUID in the dishwasher instead of DISHWASHER DETERGENT.
It’s one way to mop the kitchen, wash four loads of towels…stay up WAY TOO LATE.
Anyone else ever done that???
Aha! I feel another post coming on!!!!
Blessings,
Patti
Jody, it is really fun! Give a salute to my brother. He will enjoy it!!!! And one day look for that bestseller by Roy Qualls. Seriously.
Journaling Woman, YOU nail CCW. Simple. Powerful. Good.
Janna, LOVE reading your blog AND your posts! Thanks!
Sigh. Dare I tiptoe down and check my floor?????
Great tips!! I’ve found that killing a few trees by printing out my writing and reading it aloud really has made a huge difference.
Thanks for the tips. Most of this I do on my own, but sometimes I just throw them in when I’m doing the initial writing and worry about cleaning up during revisions and edits. I’ve taken to hacking my CP’s WIPs up over this as well. Hopefully they’re learning. <};^)
Patti, we need to get a new picture taken together next year! Tiff’s hair is short now. Did you know that? I was shocked when I saw her at this year’s conference. So funny how close we are and yet we never see each other. Of course both Tiff and Kasey are as gorgeous as always! It’s so much easier to spot the “extras” in someone else’s work. That’s why I need so much help with mine. Help from faithful friends who give it to you straight. And send chocolate. And pray. And celebrate with you. Love you guys!
And you’re gorgeous as always, too, but I feel like I get to see you all the time.
Speaking of … we’ll be there for Christmas…
Patty, thanks for stopping by my blog. CCW, I like that. A definite goal for 2010. But one phrase jumped out at me: “delete unnecessary emotion”. I’ve not seen that before. Delete emotion, to allow the reader to feel for herself? Tell me more.
Ouch! As a greenie, it hurts to think of those sacrificial trees. Sigh. Wish I could “see” the mistakes online, Jennifer.
Winter…I’ve missed you lately! Glad to hear your machete is sharp.
My dear, dear Sara, always soooo supportive. Except a bit harsh on the “YOU CAN DO BETTER.” Doesn’t my age MERIT a softening of the comments????? LOL
Patricia, WHAT A GREAT READER!!!!
Here’s what happened.
1.You caught a poorly worded sentence.
What I was trying to say, and didn’t illustrate it at all, was delete sighs, huffs, why hadn’t her husband put the paring knife in alphabetical order, after the deveining knife, unless the emotion relates to the characters’ wants, needs, major itch.
Don’t go off on a rabbit trail of emotion that will just confuse and/or irritate your reader.
2. The word emotion should’ve been something else, but this postmenopausal stayed up too late with the Ladies of Grace and then put dishwashing liquid in my dishwasher and had to mop TWO TIMES has NO CLUE what it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, I like you already!!!
Besides we share names, kinda. I am just plain Patti. No Patricia. Trish. Pat.
Patti
Awwww!! You are so awesome, Patti!!
LOL – now if I can just get a grip on all those things required to actually SELL a novel!!! 
I agree with Sara – we need an updated pic of all of us at the conference next year. Thanks so much for chatting with me Saturday. I’m always so energized and excited after a talk with you. Love you!
Hi, Patti! Those were some great tips. Especially the five word one. Thanks so much for stopping by my blog today, too. It’s great to meet others in this writing community.
Patti,
My life has gone from hectic to madness, now that I’m coaching JrH volleyball. One day we must get together for coffee. Good grief, I only live about an hour from you. LOL!
Love the first picture…lovely!
When I gaze into God’s eternal Word, I see this method.
When I focus on the living word, Jesus, I gaze at the beauty of a concise,clear life.
Hand me the Sharpies, Lord. I’ll thank you when lives are changed by my CC writing.
As I look at you, Patti, the Lord’s reflection shines out. Thank you for mirroring Him.
Love you,
Jen
Patti, you are the master at teaching writing. I love this post and need to bookmark it!
Kasey, you are the CCW! Thanks for teaching!
Cindy, thank old Roy. One day, when he raises kids and retires from the Air Force, he’ll have a book out there!
Colby, you are so sweet!
Jeanette, Eileen, I learn so much from y’all!!! And talk about HOT BLOGS!!!!!
Sigh. Back to slashing–I mean editing.
What a great blog! This entry was helpful. I’m a wordy slob with some of my manuscript. Thanks for checking out my silly blog and I’m glad you directed me to yours!
Patti, I got so tickled at your too much of a good thing pics:) If you were at the ACFW conference I’m sorry I didn’t meet up with you! Thanks for visiting my blog and sharing yours. I’ll be back!
Hi Patti -
Thanks for visiting my blog the other day. While at Inkspirations, I saw the link to your personal blog and zipped over here.
I can’t imagine writing all 5-word or less sentences. LOL! I guess that would speed up the pace. You’ve probably noticed that none of these sentences meet that requirement.
Blessings,
Susan
Hi Patti! Yes, we crit online. I do have the best crit buds and they balance one another out so very well. One crits chapter by chapter as I write, the other crits the entire book at once. Truly they are a blessing!
PS. Is there a way to subscribe to comments?
What is it with my library. Only one of the three books.
Five word sentences means I’m really in trouble. Good place to start no?
Britt, don’t demean yourself, girl. I will be back!!!
Laura, I wasn’t there this year as it inconveniently fell on the same day as MY BABY’S WEDDING!!! Can you imagine that they didn’t check the date with US?
LOL. Lord willing, perhaps we can meet NEXT YEAR!!!
Georgiana, will check out the subscribing to comments. Sorry for being so clueless.
Sandra, to correct a misperception of several, the Roy Qualls five-word rule applies to DIALOGUE. Not the rest of the story. I would be on the ocean floor with concrete in my shoes….
Thanks to every one of y’all who takes the time to visit.
Great post! Need to try that 5 words per sentence thing. Blessings!